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New Year’s Resolutions from our Dogs! 

Written by Anna Hollisey

Updated

New years resolution dog

We asked around at FOTP HQ - what New Year's resolutions will your dog be making this year? 

We’re not completely delusional, we know our dogs can’t really talk to us. But here’s what we’re 99% sure they would say if they could talk. Of course, just like human resolutions, we’re not sure many of these would make it past January! 

1. I Will Stop Stealing Towels

… plus socks, dish cloths, and pants. Not sure why, but my owners shout when I take these things. I just love the way they smell (like my humans) and I want to keep them safe in my treasure hoard. What’s so wrong with that? 

2. I Will Stop Unwanted Sniffing

I mean, sniffing is my way of checking out intruders, but that’s fine if you don’t want me to do it any more. I don’t understand why humans don’t sniff each other when they arrive – how else do you know what your pals ate for breakfast? I know what you really hate is when I sniff pants, and I’ll try to stop doing this… when you guys are looking, anyway. No guarantees. 

3. I Shall Sit Nicely To Say Hello

Wow, you humans are obsessed with sitting! Sit on the couch, sit in the car, sit to be dried, sit on the vet’s table. I gotta tell you, it’s not my favorite position. Why sit still when I could be jumping and licking all the good stuff at face height? Still, if it means the world to you, I guess I could try to sit when people come through the door. Don’t blame me if they turn out to be the Wet Bandits. 

4. I Shall Walk At Heel

But come on, you walk so slowly (SO SLOWLY) and I know where we’re going, and I want to get there… it’s the beach, the beach, you guys! I get it. Humans are slow and you don’t wanna run or you’ll get all red and panty. I’ll try my real hardest to walk next to you and pretend I am admiring the sidewalk just like you are.

5. I Shall Eat More Nutritious Food

Or just eat more? That sounds like a resolution we can agree on. I love all the foods. What we gonna try this year? But I’ve got to be honest, this one is more on you than me. If you’re going to keep sneaking me the odd pizza crust, it’s not in my programming to say no. 

6. I Will Stop Eating Poop

Falalalala, I’m not listening to this one! I love picking up a poop and I think you secretly love it too, because you run and chase me. That’s a good game, right? Yeah, this one’s a red herring for sure. 

7. I Will Stop Chasing the Cat

She just looks so fluffy and fun. I like the way her tail floofs when she’s mad. Plus… when you guys all go to work and school, she’s my only company. Anyway, where’s her list of resolutions? I got one: I will Play with Dog. You can bring up the subject. Get back to me on that.

8. I Will Never Steal People-Food

You’re right. That bag of pistachios was pretty bad when it all came out the other end. But you guys get some of the best food in the house… and what do you mean it’s “bad for me”? Isn’t it bad for you? Do YOU have a new year’s resolutions list? I’m gonna start one for you too. We can give up roast chicken together. Or eat it together. I’m easy.

9. I will Be Cool with the Neighbors

I’m only barking to be friendly. Can’t they pop through the fence sometimes? I could make them a special tunnel to make it easier. Or we could take down the fence totally! I love people. You know that. I love people and dogs! Let’s have a playdate. I promise I’ll stop barking if you just let me play with them tomorrow. Or now? 

Want to let us know your dog’s resolutions? We’d love to hear them (and see some pics too).